Tuesday, March 29, 2016 (“Moanin'” by Charles Mingus)

Michelle and I went to our therapy session today. We talked to her a bit about the whole possibility of going to Rochester, if and when that all pans out. It represents a chance for us to break out of the huge rut we’ve been in for the last long while. It’s a chance for her to move on professionally. It’s a chance for me to get some sort of traction going on this whole job thing for myself. It seems that the move would be a breath of fresh air for the both of us and might actually get Michelle in the frame of mind of wanting to have a family. Michelle and I talked about this a bit further on the way home. I’m not making her make any decisions right now and I wouldn’t begrudge her for uprooting me from living around here if the whole thing didn’t work out. I think she worries too much about stepping on other people’s toes. This is a bit silly, especially when we’d just finished discussing how this potential move is a gamble on things working out. I think most things in life are a gamble. I can’t even remember half of the plans or schemes I’d thought up that not only didn’t pan out but didn’t even make it to being written down on paper as a possibility to be explored. I think this relieved her a bit. She doesn’t really work under a lot of pressure. When she feels pressure, she becomes paralyzed and doesn’t do anything. That would probably be the worst of all possible outcomes for us concerning the things we’ve talked about recently. Anyway, she’s going up on Friday and coming back on Saturday. Then next Tuesday, she’ll be leaving until Sunday. We won’t be seeing a lot of each other of the next two weeks.

I just finished reading the autobiography of Benjamin Franklin. I must say, what an incredible man. I find fascinating his discussion of analyzing his ‘errata’, things he had done wrong, and how to fix them or at least to make up for them. There wasn’t one thing that he had little interest in. He was always doing something. I love his care for his fellow man without wanting the government to get involve unless absolutely 100% necessary. Far too often do people imagine things they’d like to get done and try to make other people pay for them or try to make other people change because it suits their ideology. Franklin had an absolute disdain for this. I do too. I like how he stayed on top of himself to make sure that he got done all the things he wanted done. He created the first public library, first public fire department, did experiments in science all over the place. I think if I could organize my thoughts and actions, I would probably be a much more efficient and productive person. I can’t tell you the number of times where it seems like I pissed away the best part of the day doing things not even worth thinking about in the first place. I’m resolving to get up earlier, stay away from trivial shit on the internet and elsewhere. I’m sure that there is some use I have beyond taking up space.

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