Sunday, March 6, 2016 (“Ultraviolet (Light My Way)” by U2)

Yesterday morning I had planned to go down to Virginia to get my car inspected and hang out for a few days while my parents were away in West Virginia. It really takes it out of me to go down there because of my mom. It’s like hanging out with a child. I know that I have expressed a desire to have children but my mom is not a child. But she acts like one. I don’t mean that in the way that she’s whiny and petulant. Ever since her aneurysm, she has very much lost the ability to hold any span of attention or meaningful conversation. She repeats herself and isn’t really capable of doing a whole lot. It’s very depressing to go down there and I don’t like doing it often. It effectively has killed any ability or any desire to go down to the DC area. Every time I go down, I feel exhausted and I get a intense dislike for the place.

Anyway, because of that job fair I went to on Thursday, I had two interviews set up with people I met there. I know that I’m unemployed, running out of money and don’t really have the right to be turning down interviews. But these are jobs I don’t really want. Going to these feels like a waste of time. I will never be able to go down to Virginia and hang out peacefully again. As long as they are there, I will get sucked into the black hole of my parents’ house and will forever hate the place. I wish she had something in her life where my showing up wasn’t the biggest thing in her life that weekend.

Anyway, I’m annoyed by the situation. I’ll try to keep an open mind about all of this but it absolutely feels like a waste of time.

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