I believe that I really have hit a breaking point. I cannot stand this job any longer. The boredom is killing me. The commute is killing me. Watching this place is killing me. The brain atrophy is killing me. Watching people with inferior skills and intellect get ahead of me is killing me. I ordinarily don’t bother to compare myself to others but it’s not healthy to watch yourself be considered useless. I need to get out before I just turn into a husk – a shell of a person. One thing that is stopping me is the fact that Michelle hasn’t heard anything from the hospital in Las Vegas. We are getting very impatient about this whole thing. I’m hanging by a thread.
I applied to jobs around here just in case the Las Vegas thing doesn’t work out. To be honest, our relationship is becoming strained. We are both very unhappy at work. We don’t like the apartment we live in. Not having very much money isn’t too much fun. We haven’t been intimate in God knows how long. These problems wouldn’t be so bad on their own. But when you throw them all in together into one big steaming pile of shit, it’s maddening.
Funny how the smallest, most perfunctory e-mail response can lift your spirits. I did get an automatic response about one of those applications that I sent off last night. It said something to the effect of “if we like your application, we’ll be in touch.” It’ll probably come to nothing but at least that automatically triggered e-mail gave me a little hope. Perhaps it’s only because I’ve been languishing away here at my present job that I will see anything slightly less shitty than where I am right now as a step in the right direction. If I start to get interviews, I imagine I’ll be much more patient here. It’s a paycheck for showing up and surfing the internet. It’s not much of one but it’s better than hemorrhaging cash. We’ll see about this…